Nobody Cares That You're Broken
by wonderland-is-dead
Summary: Jenna's always been a perfectionist, but this is something else entirely. A Matt/Jenna fic.


**This is a Matt and Jenna fic that I've wanted to write for ages, and as it's half term I decided that I might as well give it a go. This isn't my first fanfic, but it's the first one I've actually published, as there aren't many Matt and Jenna one's out there, and even less angst ones (which are my favourite). The only one I've actually seen is "If Time Could Heal" by Kosovaheartland and it is actually amazing - I'm not copying that fic in any way, like I said, I've had this idea for ages, but that fic is seriously so good. This is going to be a multi-chapter fic and it starts with present day, and then will be a 4 months earlier kind of deal, and then will progress in chronological order up to and past this point. I don't know how it will end yet, and I don't always like happy endings, but I'll just see what happens. It is mainly angst, with a bit of a romance, which might develop, might not. Anyways, I obviously don't own Doctor Who, and these are my OC's from here on out - I'm not trying to copy any of the actual people that are mentioned. Feedback would be great, like reviews and stuff, because I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing and if you have any questions or suggestions or anything, that would be awesome - thanks. If it goes down well I'll upload the next chapter really soon. I hope you like it :3**

**Chapter 1:**

She didn't really know if she could do it. Not anymore. The pills couldn't stop it anymore. So she was reduced to staying up all night, endlessly drinking caffeine just to keep her eyes open - hundreds of empty energy drink cans and used coffee mugs littered her apartment. She did what she had to do. Didn't matter how, as long as she did it. She'd nap in the day, half an hour here and there; it was never as bad when there were other people around. But at night, when she was alone, it was just her and whatever the hell was in her head. As long as she stayed awake, she could control it. By whatever means necessary. She did what she had to do. She kept telling herself that. Telling herself if she could do it one more day, one more week, she'd be fine. And she almost believed it. Almost would have to do because she knew she didn't deserve anything more.

But she wasn't delusional. Not entirely. Not yet.

Even after telling herself every single hour of the waking day that she was going to be 100% completely and utterly fine, that she could work through it, that she just had to make some changes, some improvements (and god, were there a lot of improvements), and she'd be okay, there was a small part that didn't know if she would. Didn't know if she was ever going to be able to make it. She was pushing through that, of course. No doubts, no concerns, from her or anyone else, could stop her. She had to be better. Better than the fat ugly cow she knew she was - a disgusting pig nobody wanted. No one could get in the way. That's why she had to had to pretend. She was an actress for god's sake! She could do it. She was managing. But it was getting harder and harder to cover up the embarrassment, the humiliation, the self hatred that she felt every time she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. To cover up the sheer exhaustion that crashed over her every time she stood up. She just had to try harder; that's all. Practice makes perfect. Fake a smile, even when your on your own, and maybe, just maybe, you can even convince yourself that you are doing just fine. Just until it was over, she had to pretend. They'd try to stop her. But no one had noticed.

No one, that is, apart from Erin. When you have problems of your own, your better at noticing other people's. But Erin was just a teenager; she had enough on her plate! Why bother her when it would all be over soon? No - it was better to keep it quite. Erin wouldn't understand either. Erin would try to stop her too.

It wasn't just that no one had noticed. The thing was, no one really cared. She knew that now. Who would care about someone as pathetic as her? No one. That's why she had to do it alone. As soon as she was better she would stop. She had promised herself that. Just as soon as she was perfect.

But for Jenna, perfect was seeming further and further away.


End file.
